Cow's Blog

A blog of a cow.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Answers on a postcard

Had a really nice day today, went for a random ramble with Adam - there were fields and trees and loads of mud, it was great, apart from constant traffic noises, that is. (Grrr.... cities suck arse...) I've also realised that I'm not the thickest person in my lectures, which I was really expecting to be. I have a great life, I wouldn't swap it for anyone's.
So why am I sitting here feeling lost and miserable? What's wrong with me? Maybe I'm just worried Adam'll realise what a fuckup I am.
I spend a lot of time worrying about my friends and family these days. Especially Owen. He completely holds my life together, and if he wasn't about, my life wouldn't be worth living, and I'm sure I'm not the only person who'd say that, I just wish he'd realise it.
Happiness is something you have to want for yourself, it's not something you can be forced into, but although I want to be happy, and I am a lot of the time, I often feel guilty for it. Not sure why that is, maybe cos of the Michael thing, or cos so many people I know aren't. Dunno.

Perhaps I'm just waiting for my life to fuck up again, cos it always does.

Maybe this time I'll be lucky,
Maybe this time he'll stay,
Maybe this time, for the first time,
Love won't hurry away.
He will hold me fast,
I'll be home at last,
Not a loser
Like the last time
And the time before.
Everybody loves a winner
So nobody loves me.
Lady Peaceful, Lady Happy,
That's what I long to be.
Now all the odds are in my favour,
Something's bound to begin,
It's gonna happen, happen sometime,
Maybe this time I'll win.