Cow's Blog

A blog of a cow.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Been a while...

Sorry! Been neglecting you.

Life's been totally weird recently (when isn't it?). It's been a strange mixture of being insanely busy, utterly exhausted, and hugely happy, interspersed with moments of thorough dejection and depression. However, I also seem to have realised for the first time in my life that I don't really care if I'm happy or not. I hardly feel it makes a difference either way - tears of joy and tears of sadness are much the same thing. I remember soon after splitting up with M last year standing on a clifftop in Pembrokeshire looking out over the sea, crying my eyes out for no reason. It confused me at the time, but now I've realised that it doesn't matter why it is I'm crying, just as it doesn't really matter if I am crying or not.

You see, I have this strange belief that it'll all be ok in the end. That I'll look back on moments like these and think I was an utter idiot to let myself be worried by how my life might or might not work out. My life is going to have one of those circular plot lines you see in crap films - where you get to the end and the heroes are back where they were at the beginning, just older and wiser and more appreciative of what they have. Forget happiness, forget sadness, forget dreams of success, forget dreams of romance... I need to learn to live with the life that I have.

Cows. xxx

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